Hello Darkness

The darkness of foster care is settling in once again. Not that it ever leaves, but some days it overshadows any light. We are six months into our current case and no matter how guarded I try to be the reality of another hard goodbye is weighing heavy on me. The ping pong bouncing around inside my head is loud and painful. I feel like I've failed as a foster mom, I haven't been able to connect with bio mom at all. I saw her soul today, broken and lost and angry as all hell. I don't blame her for the walls she has erected and for viewing us as the enemy...we have her son. Regardless of why her child came into care she is a human being and my heart hurts for her. At the same time I have fallen in love with her child and soon he will be gone. I'm going to miss his sweet face, the dimples, the afro, the stink eye, the entire house shaking as soon as he bounces out of bed every morning. In a matter of days we'll be packing up another child and his entire world will be turned upside down and inside out...again...the third time in just a year. This child, who is non-speaking, has to process all of this without being able to speak his pain. And no this isn't him going back to his Mama, but being moved out of state to live with another relative. We will disappear from his life as though we never existed. I hope his memories are good and that he lands in a safe place.