It's been a while since I've been able to get on here. Since I last posted we have taken in another baby. So now with a seventeen month old and a twenty month old I've been a little stretched for time. We got the call about little guy some time in April. Our other foster baby was still recovering from open heart surgery and some complications. These calls come and trigger a tsunami in my brain. First of all I'm wondering why I would consider it at all. Then I'm picturing my family's reaction when I tell them about the call. I'm trying to think of all the questions I need to ask the caseworker. This baby also has special needs, the caseworker tosses around the words preemie, lung disease, chromosome disorder, autism, feeding issues, and significant developmental delays. The thought crosses my mind (and not for the first time)..."God got jokes!"
We said no at first. Until baby R was out of danger and recovered from her surgery life was too uncertain. About a month later the caseworker called again. We had gone a few weeks with no more hospital admissions and things were going well. After thinking things through though we were faced with the issue of where would we even put him? The only open space was with my teenage daughter and that's against regulations. So again we said no. This is when I decided that if this was meant to be God was gonna have to work it out. About two weeks later the caseworker called back and said her supervisor approved the room situation. If we were willing to take him he needed to be moved in early June. We said yes and an overwhelming feeling of impending doom swallowed me up. I say that sort of jokingly but it's the truth...it's the same feeling I get every time a new placement is coming. It's like willingly walking into traffic knowing there's a good chance you'll get run over. In the meantime I injured my back tiling the entryway floor. I knew I had herniated a disc that had already been surgically repaired. For two days I couldn't put any weight on my right leg and then I was using a crutch. After a round of steroids the pain relented and I was able to get around. My doctor ordered an MRI because of my history but it took three weeks to get in. It was indeed ruptured and I was on my way to see the surgeon again. But this also took a while and in the meantime a bouncing baby boy moved in. Before we knew it it was summer break and the kids were all home from school. Our house was full during the summer...two babies and five teenagers. During the summer we're the kind of family that lives at the lake when we can, it's only three miles from our house. Taking two babies to the beach...I'm exhausted just thinking about it. But we worked together and made it to the lake when we could.
Summer continued and I was still waiting to see the surgeon. Then one morning in late July I woke up and knew I was in trouble. I tried to get out of bed and make it to the bathroom but the pain was debilitating. Hours went by with me unable to move without nearly passing out and I finally came to the conclusion that I was screwed. I couldn't move and I was also unable to urinate. After talking with my physician I gave in and let my family call 911. Long story short they kept me in the ER for two days then moved me to a room for two days before transporting me to another hospital where my surgeon operated. It was an absolutely horrifying experience that should never have played out like it did. In a procedure that took about 40 minutes the pain was completely gone although the lasting nerve damage lingers. My wonderful family and my best friend all pulled together to take care of things at home. Little guy went with a respite family for two weeks which was a huge blessing.
Honestly, it's insane. I am insane. He's been here now for six months and he's a lot of work. These are the times in life when you might push the rewind button if you could. Having two special needs babies is consuming. Life revolves around an endless list of doctor's appointments and therapy sessions and visits with bio families.
I'm gonna try and wrap this up now. Because what I really want to say as 2107 comes to an end is this - it's been a really hard and wonderful year. Our foster baby who has Down Syndrome has been with us for a year now. She is a blessing of the MOST magnificent kind. The thing is...there is a good chance she will be reunited with her family. I can give you a million reasons why this should not happen and why she will not be safe and I will fight this in whatever way I can. The system though...it's flawed and it's scary. In an effort to be transparent I will say this - I am scared to death. I cannot imagine life without her. I wake up every day hardly able to breathe because I have to tell myself that we may actually lose her. This will be a devastating loss. As a foster family we have heard all too often "well this is what you signed up for". Please...we don't need to be reminded of that. For those of you who have met Baby R you know...she is enchanting. And that is why I see 2018 as having the potential for a loss that I cannot imagine. There is only One who knows the outcome of all this and that is my Father in heaven...I choose to trust in Him even when the sadness overwhelms me.
We said no at first. Until baby R was out of danger and recovered from her surgery life was too uncertain. About a month later the caseworker called again. We had gone a few weeks with no more hospital admissions and things were going well. After thinking things through though we were faced with the issue of where would we even put him? The only open space was with my teenage daughter and that's against regulations. So again we said no. This is when I decided that if this was meant to be God was gonna have to work it out. About two weeks later the caseworker called back and said her supervisor approved the room situation. If we were willing to take him he needed to be moved in early June. We said yes and an overwhelming feeling of impending doom swallowed me up. I say that sort of jokingly but it's the truth...it's the same feeling I get every time a new placement is coming. It's like willingly walking into traffic knowing there's a good chance you'll get run over. In the meantime I injured my back tiling the entryway floor. I knew I had herniated a disc that had already been surgically repaired. For two days I couldn't put any weight on my right leg and then I was using a crutch. After a round of steroids the pain relented and I was able to get around. My doctor ordered an MRI because of my history but it took three weeks to get in. It was indeed ruptured and I was on my way to see the surgeon again. But this also took a while and in the meantime a bouncing baby boy moved in. Before we knew it it was summer break and the kids were all home from school. Our house was full during the summer...two babies and five teenagers. During the summer we're the kind of family that lives at the lake when we can, it's only three miles from our house. Taking two babies to the beach...I'm exhausted just thinking about it. But we worked together and made it to the lake when we could.
Summer continued and I was still waiting to see the surgeon. Then one morning in late July I woke up and knew I was in trouble. I tried to get out of bed and make it to the bathroom but the pain was debilitating. Hours went by with me unable to move without nearly passing out and I finally came to the conclusion that I was screwed. I couldn't move and I was also unable to urinate. After talking with my physician I gave in and let my family call 911. Long story short they kept me in the ER for two days then moved me to a room for two days before transporting me to another hospital where my surgeon operated. It was an absolutely horrifying experience that should never have played out like it did. In a procedure that took about 40 minutes the pain was completely gone although the lasting nerve damage lingers. My wonderful family and my best friend all pulled together to take care of things at home. Little guy went with a respite family for two weeks which was a huge blessing.
Honestly, it's insane. I am insane. He's been here now for six months and he's a lot of work. These are the times in life when you might push the rewind button if you could. Having two special needs babies is consuming. Life revolves around an endless list of doctor's appointments and therapy sessions and visits with bio families.
I'm gonna try and wrap this up now. Because what I really want to say as 2107 comes to an end is this - it's been a really hard and wonderful year. Our foster baby who has Down Syndrome has been with us for a year now. She is a blessing of the MOST magnificent kind. The thing is...there is a good chance she will be reunited with her family. I can give you a million reasons why this should not happen and why she will not be safe and I will fight this in whatever way I can. The system though...it's flawed and it's scary. In an effort to be transparent I will say this - I am scared to death. I cannot imagine life without her. I wake up every day hardly able to breathe because I have to tell myself that we may actually lose her. This will be a devastating loss. As a foster family we have heard all too often "well this is what you signed up for". Please...we don't need to be reminded of that. For those of you who have met Baby R you know...she is enchanting. And that is why I see 2018 as having the potential for a loss that I cannot imagine. There is only One who knows the outcome of all this and that is my Father in heaven...I choose to trust in Him even when the sadness overwhelms me.
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